The constant emails which do not pertain to anything the worker has any remote interest in should definitely go first, some experts say. "The barrage of unimportant and unusable information that crosses the average employee's desk everyday is enough to ruin productivity", Professor Jesse Retchko of the Center for Workplace Studies at Wassamatta U. Retchko also states, "We have seen in experiments with cube rats that the introduction of worthless emails as stimulus causes depression, fatigue, and a increased likelihood for an addiction to coffee..." This trend is leading experts in Human Resource Management to find new ways to pacify these angry mobs of employees. The most effective method found to date is the "Break Room Gaming" Method. This is used to describe such things as foosball tables, pool table, table tennis, and video gaming as a method to revive these unfortunate specimen. Dr. Daniel Bellury, director of the Center for Reviving Cube Rats (CRCR) at Nowhere College allows that this is a temporary solution. "These cube rats do react positively to this stimulus, however the effects are only temporary, and these rats once again show the tell-tale signs of this horrible affliction."

Fortunately, the outlook is good for an eventual cure to this dread sickness. The foolish perpatrators of these disgraceful email travesties are the targets of the newest governmental body, the Email Ridiculosity Prevention Agency. Director Randall Tucker has devoted much of his life to the prevention of these horrible tragedies. "The vision of a work environment with no idiots is our ultimate goal. We realize that this task is a most heroic and important undertaking, the results of which could be vast and potentially tremendous. Obviously, it is an unrealistic goal to eliminate idiots entirely, but we hope to restrict their infectous behavior as much as possible." To date, over 300,000 of these foolish email senders have been confronted with the lunacy of their email. In the future, the ERPA has goals of removing over a million senders of foolish email over the next three years. With these changes, the horrible torture of employees all over the globe may cease.

Recession Impending Says Expert
By John Carson
With the advent of recent increases in the federal interest rate, many experts now believe that many americans will feel the impact of a recession. More specifically, a 50% increase in rogaine sales is expected over the next three years. "Men always lose hair when stressful situations present themselves, this coming economic period is certainly sure to cause that stress", Dr. Cletis B. LaRue of the Center for Hair Control at Nolans University predicts. LaRue firmly believes the absolutely antagonistic work environment that most Americans suffer, coupled with the thought of losing that ridiculously awful job, is certain to add stress to almost every american's life. "Unfortunately, these stresses are borne out in either fits of rage, or hair loss in most men... Neither of which are considered acceptable ways to deal with stress," adds B. D. Sweeney of the Stress Relief Institute located in Jolene, AR. He his chief assistant, Lee Phelps, have been working feverishly to deternine ways for employers to efficiently de-stress their employees. One of the most effective methods to date is letting your employees pick an associate they would like to beat senseless, and then letting them each punch this employee one time. "Not only does it reduce stress, it helps the annoying employees learn to change their behavior," added Phelps. "This leads to a better work environment, and less stress amongst the employees...creating a positive cycle of stress reduction..." This particular method could eventually lead to hair growth, says Harold B Harless, leading expert in stress related hair loss issues.

Economic landscape changing
By Angie Jameson
Regardless of the success of the internet in the past ten years, certain members of the business community still fail to recognize the impending change that is necesitated by this leap in technology. Economics professor E. G. Piechart from the University of DontKnowMuch says, "The internet is a fluke, and it will be gone in ten years." Dr. Knut Bright, founder of Center for the Spread of Misinformation (CSM) agrees, "We have concrete economic evidence that show the internet to be a waste of time and money."

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